Frugal For Christmas

With the economy where it is this year, doing a lot of spending at Christmas time for many of us is either an impossibility if we want to avoid debt, or may just not seem like the prudent thing to do.

People are desperately seeking the "secret-formula" for having a fabulous Christmas without breaking the bank. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and I believe that to truly achieve this balance, we have to examine the way we think about Christmas. Who do you believe when it comes to Christmas?

If you believe in "Man's Economy" at Christmas time, you have probably had your ideas shaped primarily by the Advertising and Marketing industry and they are "selling" you a lot more than just merchandise! Man's economy has sold us an entire package of what Christmas is supposed to look like and I think we have bought it hook. line and sinker! Remember a few weeks ago when I told you about how torn I felt at Christmas time? That's because I was trying to live in Man's Economy and God's Economy at the same time! I think as Christians we all struggle with that because we don't realize how indoctrinated we have become to the world around us! It takes some pretty intentional effort to free ourselves from this thinking.

I would like to suggest that perhaps we choose to be "frugal" this year when it comes to Christmas.

Frugal is a misunderstood word. We often associate it negatively with "being cheap" or "less generous" perhaps. It certainly seems to be "restrictive." It certainly is not a word we often like to associate with Christmas. Frugal just sounds "Scrooge-like!"

In reality, the word "frugal" simply means, "avoiding unnecessary expenditure." It's about being a good manager. Being a manager is different from being an "owner." The resources you are watching over don't belong to you, so if you want to be evaluated as doing a good job, it is important for you to know how the owner thinks his resources should be managed.

Scripture is pretty clear about ownership.

Deuteronomy 10:14: "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it."

Everything belongs to God and he calls us to be managers or "stewards" of HIS stuff. That being the case, does anything change at Christmas time? Do we somehow assume the roll of "owner" for 30 days just because it's now December?

So, if we want to be "good managers," at Christmas time, wouldn't it be smart to look at the "Owner's Manual?" Scripture is our guide. So how then should Christmas look in God's Economy?

Well, if we look at that first Christmas, we wouldn't be see an example of over-abundance and luxury. We would see simple surroundings. No "pomp and circumstance." We would see God lowering himself to become man in the most vulnerable of forms...a baby. There was only one way that our Lord was extravagant and that was in His giving. He came to give us himself. His birth was meant to be the vehicle to pay off debt not create it.

So how might it look to be frugal this Christmas? Perhaps the question should really be, "how would Jesus like me to use HIS money?"

I think Jesus wants us to think with an eternal perspective.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matt. 6:19-21

It's not about getting everything we want. It's about having what we need and making sure others have what they need.

He tells us what is near and dear to his heart...

Matthew 25:40 “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Proverbs 21:13 If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.

This holiday is supposed to be about Jesus. We are HIS managers. Shouldn't we aim to celebrate his birthday in a way that would please him the most. To give and show love for those we love most and ALSO the ones who are dear to Him?

So being frugal isn't stingy at all. It's all about pleasing the only ONE we should be concerned about pleasing. After all it is HIS birthday.

(And check out my blog for money-saving ways to be "frugal" this Christmas!)

I Forgive You

My church has been doing a church-wide study on relationships and one segment of that focused on forgiveness. Let's have a little pop quiz here on forgiveness. This is straight out of our study guide.

True or False?

1. A person should not be forgiven until they ask for it.
2. Forgiveness includes minimizing the offense and the pain that was caused.
3. Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship.
4. You haven't really forgiven others until you have forgotten the offense.

All of the above statements are false.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult lessons we, as Christians, have to learn. Part of the reason for that is because we don't always have the correct perspective about what it actually means to forgive someone who has hurt us, as demonstrated in the above questions. Once we gain and embrace a right perspective of forgiveness, then we can begin to make some progress in actually applying it.

One day after I had broken up another battle between my little grand-daughters and had sent them each to their own corners until the heat died down, we came back together to discuss the matter. Each of them recounted what had happened from their own perspective. I don't recall all of the details of the battle but it was very clear that one had wronged the other and left her hurting. The one who had committed the offense admitted her wrong and apologized for it. The one who had been wronged then said in response "It's okay." This was the typical scenario after a battle as it probably is in your home too, but this time it stopped me dead in my tracks.

It hit me that one of the obstacles I have to overcome when trying to forgive someone who has done me wrong, is the idea that forgiveness means minimizing the offense and the pain that it caused. It's like saying "It's okay to hurt me." That is a distorted view of forgiveness. It's not okay when someone hurts us. So here I was teaching my grand-daughters that it was okay. I stopped them right then and explained that it is was not okay, but God wants us to forgive so we will choose to forgive even though we are hurt. Instead of saying "it's okay" we now say "I forgive you."

I have had to apologize to one of them since then and I can tell you it's far more humbling when you apologize to someone and they respond with "I forgive you" than with "it's okay". Especially when those words come from the mouth of a child. I pray that this will help keep them from developing this distorted view of forgiveness.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25

Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38

Like Digging For Gold

LIKE DIGGING FOR GOLD

My son, perseve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight. Proverbs 3:21

"Wes hit me." My daughter reported this incident about her brother with tears in her eyes.

"Did you hit Jenny?" I asked Wes.

"No, I didn’t," he said, with a look of total innocence in his eyes.

"Then why is she crying?"

"It’s not because I hit her."

Both my seven year old son and four year old daughter were either telling the truth (which couldn’t be happening) or were playing their roles so convincingly that I didn’t know which one to believe. Jenny was in tears so something obviously had happened. She convinced me that Wes had hit her. But Wes spoke with such conviction that he didn’t hit his sister I wanted to believe him, too.

One thing Cheryl and I learned with little kids is that you have to keep asking questions. At a very young age children learn the power of language. They can convince mom and dad they need ice cream and persuade grandma and grandpa they need seconds all with the power of words. Too young they develop techniques of manipulation that wrap us around their little fingers.

One of my two kids was working some of these techniques on me this day. Was it the one crying or the one declaring innocence?

From Cheryl I learned that you have to keep digging. Getting information from children is comparable to searching for gold in the side of a mountain: you have to dig, examine the evidence you unearth, evaluate it, and then dig some more, continuing to repeat the process. Over time, you may find some gold. And truth.

I felt like a prosecutor in the courtroom cross-examining a witness. I had some basic evidence and I had two eye witnesses, though they were giving conflicting testimony. I had to try a different tack.

Wes, why don’t you just show me what happened to your sister. Notice this wasn’t a question, it was an invitation to action. "Show me." Wes opened his hand and swung it through the air. "Is that what you did to Jenny?" I asked.

"Yes."

"That is hitting. Why did you tell me you didn’t hit her if you did?"

"No dad, that isn’t hitting, that is slapping. Hitting is if you make a fist and punch someone. I wouldn’t do that to my sister."

In the next several minutes my four and seven year old received vocabulary and ethics lessons. They were so young to learn the words ‘nuance’ and ‘semantics,’ but if they were old enough to play the game, they were old enough understand the significance of it. The ethics lesson was about truth and honesty, and not misrepresenting either by fancy play with words. This particular lesson was buttressed with some punishment.

This conversation was a great breakthrough for me as a father, because since this incident I’ve observed not only my three, but many other children, control a conversation through semantic play, withholding vital information, and playing ignorant. A parent need not panic if they realize this kind of competitive sparring is going on in conversations with their children. It is normal and natural. It means the kids are thinking through situations, are learning to use the language in creative ways, and are forcing their parents to parent.

You read that last line correctly. When children engage in language manipulation, they force us to parent. For the good of our children, for the integrity of the home, for the continued respect for our authority and role as dad and mom, we must engage the communication process with our kids. For me to have dismissed my two kids that day with, "Oh, just get out of here and stop it" would have left my daughter with a sense of injustice and my son with a sense of victory. Both kids would also have learned that with proper nuancing of terms and manipulative techniques they could by with anything. Respect for their mom and me would have diminished.

I had to enter the verbal contest, search for the nugget of truth, and act on the nugget I discovered. In the process I spent time with my kids and was able to teach them the value of purity of heart and honesty of communication.

When we slow down enough to spend time with our kids in these kinds of conversations, they learn something besides the topic under discussion. They learn that mom and dad will take the time to talk to them and reach the truth. They learn the value of integrity. They learn judgment and discernment. They learn how to behave properly. And they learn that mom and dad love them.

Warren Baldwin

Note: Thanks to Christina for sparking my memory and giving me the idea for this post with her very good article, "Wasn’t My Fault" on her blog, Change of Plans.

His Name First

"Abraham and Sarah..." Genesis 18:11

Wives, I'd love for us to share with each other some ways the Lord has put on each of our hearts to honor our husbands. Please leave a comment, and let us all spur one another on! "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

One way I honor the Lord by honoring my husband is by always putting my husband's name first when signing cards, etc. This simple but meaningful act reflects my respect for my husband as the head of our home, family and me. "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." Ephesians 5:23

By always putting Jim's name first, it is a way of my showing my sincere reverence for him as my head. I want him to be honored.

For instance, when we sign birthday cards to our children, I always ask Jim to sign first so it is "Daddy & Mommy". When we are sending greeting cards to others, I always sign "Jim & Sharon". If we need to fill out forms and a list of family members is required, hubby's name goes first. No one else may notice it, but it is a small way of honoring Jim in my heart before the Lord.

Names are important. God's Word tells us that "He has exalted above all things His name and His word." Psalm 138:2 It also tells us that "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold." Proverbs 22:1 Putting my husband's name first is a way of honoring him as the head of our home. It expresses my reverence for and submission to his God-given role and position.

"His Name First" is just something simple, yet very significant, that the Lord put on my heart. Wives, please share something you do to honor your husband as the head of your home, family and you! And husbands, if you are reading this, share something that your wife does that really shows her respect for you as head of the home!

Let's spur one another on and build up our husbands!

I'm a Who, Are You?

Have you started watching Christmas specials yet? One of my favorites is The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. The Grinch hates Christmas, so he thinks if he steals all the trees, gifts and food from the Whos of Who-ville, that he will stop Christmas. But Christmas comes and the Whos still celebrate even without STUFF. The Grinch says:

"It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages,boxes or bags!" And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas," he thought,"doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"

What does Christmas mean to you? Certainly all the trimmings add to the fun, but if some Grinch, such as unemployment, health issues, or other disappointments try to steal your Christmas, will you let them?

The Whos aren't just in Dr. Suess. Jesus talked about the "Whos" in the Bible too. Don't believe me? Here are some examples.

"I tell you the truth, WHOever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." John 5:24

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. WHOever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

"WHOever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who
loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21

Jesus isn't just for a select crowd. He came for WHOever will believe in him. WHOever follows him. WHOever obeys him.

As we move into the holiday season, I pray that I can be a Who. A Who that realizes that Christmas is about more than stuff. A Who that believes, follows, and obeys Jesus.

I'm a Who, are you?

Don't Wait

Can you remember when your child was young and how they had a cute way of saying something?

My youngest, Tiffany, says the word SEED instead of SAW when she is talking.  It was really cute when she was younger, but now that she is in pre-school, I decided it was time to correct her speech.

The next time I heard her say, "Daddy, I seed a deer on the way home today!" I lovingly replied, "Tiffany, it's not seed, but we say, saw."

To that she said, "No Mommy, we say SEED!"

Ok, this was going to be more difficult than I had realized.  Perhaps I should have corrected this one some time ago instead of waiting because it was so cute!

Plan B - I tried reasoning with her, "Sweet heart, a SEED is something we plant, so the proper way to say it is to say, "I SAW."

To that, my husband chimed in, "Don't you use a SAW to cut down trees?"  AAAHHH!!  He was not helping! (Although he did have a valid point.)

Moving to plan C - Now every time she improperly says "I seed," I simply repeat it back and say, "You saw?"  It will take a little more work on my part, but I'm hoping that before long she will begin speaking properly.

What's my parenting tip in all of this?  Don't wait until a behavior has become a habit when correcting your children.  Even if it seems cute when they are young.

You know what I am referring to, remember when your toddler son threw something in anger and you thought, "Hey, Jr. has a great arm on him!"  Keep those thoughts to yourselves and think ahead to when they are older and if it will still be cute.  It's all about training, and the younger we can curb those bad habits, the easier it will be for everyone.